Woke up to Bill leaving the house, shuffling around, dropping things, making weird noises I was sure would wake Lydia. He was planning to leave at 7 but I think he was up and going before 5am? Oh well, he's gone!!!

Lydia was restless and coughed herself all over the place.
Cancelled a 930am photoshoot with Kip May. Probably for the best, couldn't afford it anyway.

Rough, grumpy morning.
She hit me in the head with a toy hammer.
She combed my hair with a tiny comb when it was in thick sleepy curls and it hurt so bad I screamed.
Ouch and ouch.

She colored on the wall with a red crayon.

She wouldn't eat any of her breakfast.

She is tired. I am tired.

Your Mom came over around 11. I went to take Jean and EJ to get their new car that had been treated with some stain resistant thing..anyway, they are headed to West Baden Springs for overnight for Evan's 5 year award with Cook.

Lunch with your parents.

Lydia asleep by 2.
When she wakes up we're going to my parents.

I didn't accomplish anything during her nap. I moved all the laundry to fold it, but just watched 30 Rock and baby monitor and didn't fold anything.

I think I'm depressed.

Wherever You Are, my love will find you by Nancy Tillman

This is from the book that I bought for Lydia.
But, I thought about you the entire time I read it.
It's amazing.
I feel like I bought it to say it to you.
I also feel like you should give it to her from you.

Here it is:

I wanted you more than you ever will know,
so I sent love to follow wherever you go.

It's high as you wish it. It's quick as an elf.
You'll never outgrow it...it stretches itself!

So climb any mountain...climb up to the sky!
My love will find you.
My love can fly!

Make a big splash! Go out on a limb!
My love will find you.
My love can swim!

It never gets lost, never fades, never ends...

if you're working...

or playing...

or sitting with friends.

You can dance 'til you're dizzy...
paint 'til you're blue...

There's no place, not one, that my love can't find you.

And if someday you're lonely,
or someday you're sad, or you strike out at baseball,
or think you've been bad...

just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.
That's me, my sweet baby, my love is right there.

In the green of the grass...in the smell of the sea...
in the clouds floating by...at the top of a tre...in the sound crickets make at the end of the day...

"You are loved. You are loved. You are loved," they all say.

My love is so high, and so wide and so deep, it's always right there, even when you're asleep.

So hold your head high and don't be afraid to march to the front of your own parade.

If you're still my small babe or you're all the way grown, my promise to you is you're never alone.

You are my angel, my darling, my star...and my love will find you, wherever you are.

You are loved.

6

Preschool on time, for once, even got my shower before leaving.
Had plans to attend 930am Weight Watchers, Lydia had difficult goodbye so I was going to be late.
Got Bakehouse. Muffin. Water.
Got a lot done at home, all the floors and laundry, etc. Bleh, kitchen seems overwhelming.
Barely got the trash out in time.

At preschool pick up, Lydia pitched a shovel of sand in to her own face. Awful!
Wiped it all off with help of teachers. Washed and washed inside, changed clothes and diapers.
Not happy with the sand still in her hair and eyes but thankfully she was not injured or unhappy or uncomfortable.

Lunch at home, Jimmy Johns. She is silly. Had fun in high chair with Creepy Baby.

Can sing the words to Hush Little Baby...if you stop the song she'll say the word at the end of a phrase. Impressed me!

Nap time another struggle after lots of loving talking, rocking, reading, nursing, went in crib. Less than 10 minutes, but she was just wild. Nursed and held her in bed. Gave up and took nape with her. Woke up around 430pm.

Took to Aunt Jean's house. Lydia happy to play there. Had dinner with Jean's family, ate ok. Had fun playing did well. Tired when I got back and happy to go home.
Weight Watchers was uneventful, nothing good or bad. I think the meeting aspect will only be helpful for accountability with the weigh in and goal weights. The online tracking will be much more useful than paper tracking. I wish I had a space age phone with an app to do it for me.
I entered what I had eaten today and was suprised I was only 2 pts over the goal. Maybe I can do this afterall.

Stayed up way too late.

Oh, randomly, Susan called asking to read bedtime stories to Lydia. She was here for bedtime and read some stories. Lydia was not loving, did not listen to stories or want to have hugs or kisses. I can tell this pissed off your Mom. Comments were made about how little she has seen her...since SUNDAY omfg. Oh whatever. She is watching her tomorrow night when I go to stupid bell choir.

I liked our phone calls today. Your voice sounds happy.
I REALLY miss you. More than I thought I could.
Staying busy sort of helps, but only in that I don't have time to dwell on being sad because I miss you so much. It doesn't make me miss you any less. I think that is why night time is going to be so hard and why I can't get to sleep. When I slow down and quiet down to sleep I miss you so much I can barely stand it.

Oh well, to take care of Lydia I've got to get some sleep, so I guess I'll go try.

Last thought: Grandma has surgery tomorrow. None of her kids or regular friends are available to help. I'm nervous being resposible for her and having Lydia. If something goes wrong I'm not sure what I will do. We have to be ready and at her house no later than 8am to get her to the hospital by 830am and then I have to get Lydia to school and I guess spend the rest of the time she is at preschool at the hospital with my Granmda. I am teaching 3 days for the American Red Cross in the next few weeks, so I've got to find a way to swing by there too.
I'm sure it will all be fine. It's honestly after she gets home that I am more worried about.
Bleh.

5

Tuesday.
School, late, like 930 before we got there, difficult morning.
Oh right we have the fresh snack today. Frick.
Go home, cut up apples and bananas.

Nothing to do, tired and depressed.
Take Lydia to Subway and then have lunch with my Dad.
Go home, nothing to do, tired and depressed.
Nap time struggle, ends up napping 3 hours.

Go back to my parents house with leftovers of Asuka food, lasangna, stuffing and various other things I had in my fridge. Weirdest dinner ever.
Left to start YMCA membership. Good to accomplish SOMETHING.

Lydia did not like bath and was grumpy.
Did not want to go to sleep, up very late again, nursed and read all stories and she insisted that she was very hungry so we went down for a snack of crackers.
She finally fell asleep around 10pm.

Ugh.

4

Monday. Back to real life?
Lydia did well at school.
I wasted the time and accomplished very little.
Nap was a fight, but she slept in her own crib.
I can't remember what we did.

We had dinner at my Grandma's house.
We took Chicken Teriyaki from Asuka. $30 freaking dollars!
Way too much food.
Lydia and Nana had a good time.
Grandma has surgery this week so we talked about that, we are taking her to the hospital.
Walked around the neighborhood, met Jenny (dog) and Velma (human).
Saw neighbor Mary and a sick Pigeon in a bird bath.
Green pumpkin light, Lydia likes to hit it to make it come back on.
Difficult bedtime.
10pm!

3

Special Sunday.
Death Row wrongfully committed, speaks on ending Death Penalty.
Bells Play.
Pitch-In after church.
Family dinner at Jim & Claire's with Lydia, Grandma, Jean, Evan, Everett.
Lydia and I stay for bathtime and deer.
Not home until around 9pm.
Lydia went right to sleep.

2

I think I'll stay really busy today.

1

First Day home, not so bad.
Yes it is.

Ft. Knox Family Night

Lydia and I left for Ft. Knox around 2pm.
She had a great time playing with Everett and had a little lunch with Aunt Jean before heading out.
Everett has a new play set in the backyard, it was a present for his 2nd birthday.
Lydia was very brave, climbing the ladder, going up and down the "rock climbing" rope wall and did the very fast slide all by herself. She was really scared and having fun all at once. It was quite a mix of emotions and expression, but definitely hilarious.
She also was the first to go in the little blue bucket swing, which you know she loves. She didn't want to swing for long because she was having so much fun on the slide with EJ.
Jean was really kind and careful to help Lydia.

Once we were in the car Lydia was happy and fell asleep by the time we got to Bedford. She slept a little over one hour and awoke pretty unhappy shortly after the turn in Palmyra. We got stuck behind school buses making many stops, and even these huge crazy tree trimming trucks. We made two stops but otherwised charged onwards to Daddy! She was a toughy and we were both very happy when we got to Ft. Knox. She liked going over the big bridge in to KY, forgot to mention that!

I'm also glad we were not late to pick you up. Since you didn't have your car with you and had spent all morning waiting around for a ride and to move your stuff to the hangar, I was worried you would feel stuck and waiting around again. I'm glad you were able to finish up your workday and feel so calm and ready for the big flight to Texas in the morning. Thank you for showing us around, introducing us, and taking us out on the airfield. It was really fun and really special to be there with you, see you in your element and watch Lydia be so amazed by everything.
We both loved hearing her say SUN SUN SUN and point to the sky. The pictures we have of you two together walking around and with the Apache are going to always be so special.

I was also thankful for this low pressure chance to think about you flying, your work, your unit, and all of the responsibility, duties, and traditions. I am very proud of you and think your work matter and feel proud of you for how smart and talented you are as an aviator. It was both a sober but also happy mix of emotions being of proud of you and also feeling anxious that you will be gone so soon.

We drove from the hangar to your barracks to get the last of your things. It was so funny how I had no idea you were expecting me to bring you a change of civilian clothes and I could tell you were annoyed that I had misunderstood/forgotten but we just laughed about it and I'm glad I had randomly packed that black tshirt! We did a diaper change for Lydia and she had fun jumping on the bunk beds and sitting up high. It was so weird being in that empty and sad little barracks room. I don't know what kind of room I think you should have instead of that, but I just can't get over the fact that is where you had to stay and live the past several weeks. You are a very humble and dedicated soldier to put up with that. You never complained.

We drove to our hotel in Elizabethtown. Since it was close to 5 there was a lot of traffic. Lydia was not happy to be in the car again. We worked together and got through it. After several attempts at reading, singing, looking out the windows and playing music, we were all very happy to get to our hotel. Thanks to Dad for helping us get the room so we could all be together.
We were definitely feeling a little isolated and not sure what to do with our evening. It was nice though the way we so quickly agreed to enjoy our time together even if we didn't have a million fun things planned. Lydia was happy exploring the room and playing with the digital camera.

I had definitely over packed for her hoping to be able to keep her busy and have many options for playing. We had a little room and our hotel was only close to other hotels and few restaurants. We decided to get take out from RUBY TUESDAY (after much debate and online searching!). We called it in and had a family "hike" across the parking lots to get the food. Lydia carried her baby doll with her. She enjoyed looking for the moon, which we could find...and there was an old lady walking her dog, a train going by blowing its horn, and many neat flowers and plants to look at. While Joe paid for food Lydia had fun running on the sidewalk, saying cheese for pictures and waving to the people inside the restaurant.
Many jokes were made about my slow walking and inability to safely cross streets. Lydia again loved running around, following Daddy and listening to the train and making the CHOO CHOO sound. She also did a great job of saying moon and tree.

We ate our dinner in the lobby of the hotel which was a bit stressful and damage control based as usual. Lydia rejected her "kids meal" of turkey burgers and apples. She just wanted to snack on crackers and then run around the lobby saying hi to everyone. Even this while rushed and kind of crazy was nice to be together. Several people thanked Joe for his service. Several people commented on how cute Lydia was. We teased the men in a conference break out session for anxiously discussing why McDonald's was the ultimate brand and business while drinking out of a pot of coffee and various energy drinks. Dorks.

Lydia was scared of her bath so I got in with her. We caught a bit of 30Rock at the new and ridiculous 830pm time. Lydia was sweet with her stories and getting dressed. She fell asleep sweetly and was a very good girl. Of course she didn't want to sleep on her pack and play so we all snuggled down for the night in the big king bed. We agreed that we need to get a king size bed at home someday.

After scurrying around in the dark and taking several things to the car, since we knew we were going to have a very busy and very early morning we were able to get in some great whispering, snuggling and giggling before bed. We both agreed that we have missed out on good time together and been caught up in the everyday grind and worries. It was so nice to reconnect and feel like everything is going to be ok. We talked about how we knew this time was going to happen and how it still somehow managed to sneak up on us. We both said so many nice things I wish we had the time and energy to say to each other everyday. It was a great reminder of how lucky we are to have each other and that our love is strong. I love you!